Random Thoughts – Volume 2

If 2014 has taught me anything, it’s that there is an insanely high number of incredibly stupid people in the world.

Nancy Pelosi is about 3 degrees passed ugly as fuck. The fact that someone has had sex with her is frightening.

If a company can report negative things on your credit, they should be required to post positive things as well. When you are paying your bill on time, that should reflect on your credit report. It makes no sense that a company will only report the bad.

A digital product should be less expensive than its physical counterpart. Software for example, should be cheaper if you buy the digital version. After all, the company that produced it didn’t have to make a box, store it in a warehouse, and worry about costs associated with it sitting around on a shelf forever. I just saved them money by not buying the physical version.

I say a lot of weird things.

Why can you not buy a la carte TV programming? Because the stations wouldn’t make anywhere near as much money as they do now.

One night when our daughter was a baby, she farted herself awake.

After watching Compulsion, it has occurred to me that Heather Graham has incredibly amazing tits and a spectacular ass. She’s always been stupid hot, with big boobs and a great ass, but age has certainly continued to provide her with even more poundage to these fun parts.

KFC needs to deliver.

When someone goes to the Facebook page of a music artist and posts lyrics from one of the artist’s songs just to get likes, it’s really annoying. When they post the lyrics of the wrong artist, it’s hilarious.

Taylor Swift is a fucktard, and she’s only getting worse. One day this dumb bitch is going to implode.

A car I was looking at was sold. Damnit.

I think we can all agree that the best thing about the movie Edge of Tomorrow was watching Tom Cruise die over and over again.

Google Analytics says I should talk about Jennette McCurdy’s ass more often.

The fact that Kayla Mendoza is pleading not guilty should automatically get her kicked in the face. How do you plead not guilty and then admit to it on TV? I’m sure the families of the two girls you killed feel just peachy with your denial of fault. Cunt face.

Birds Eye corn is freaking awesome.

Believing this planet is the only one with life on it in the whole universe is way more insane than believing it isn’t.

Every time a magazine announces the most beautiful, sexy, or interesting person in the world, it’s always a celebrity. Never once has a celebrity ever actually been the most beautiful, sexy or interesting person on their block, much less the world.

My best friend called me a smart ass. Considering she never cusses, this was quite revolutionary for her.

I’ve taken a shit that smelled so bad I had to evacuate that side of the house.

I really should be in bed right now.

I have no idea who this is, but she’s really pretty.

pretty

I’m fairly certain that Pauline Nordin could beat the fuck out of Voltron if she really wanted to. She has more determination than the whole North American continent. Of course, the fact that she’s really strong helps.

Google keeps updating my sidebar with “Related Topics” based on what I’m writing in this list. Right now, Heather Graham, Tom Cruise and Nancy Pelosi are in my sidebar. It’s also possible that they are all sitting inside of a bar, drinking and staring at Heather Graham’s awesome rack. Probably not though.

Police body cameras are a great idea. Not because of policing the police, but because we might be able to speed up some of these trials with video evidence of the stupid ass criminals they go after.

The best part of Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers was that part where I fell asleep because it was so fucking boring.

Anyone who takes medical advice from Jenny McCarthy needs to be sterilized.

About the Author

Dave
I make music and yell about shit.

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